Rising to the challenge

In 2021, Glenn Poh was thrust into a caregiving role when his 74-year-old mother, Tan Sow Meng, got diagnosed with dementia.

The 44-year-old explained that when she started getting more forgetful and confused, he got a bit worried. He decided to bring her for a check-up at the polyclinic and the doctor there diagnosed her with dementia. After several further check-ups and a brain scan/MRI, his mother received a confirmation that she has Alzheimer’s disease.

As the only child, he has a close relationship with his mother and felt it was important that he look after her. His father had passed away two decades ago from a bad fall in the home. Glenn is single, with no siblings to rely on and has no helper, further adding to his tower of challenges.

Open to changes and adapting

His mother’s diagnosis meant many adjustments including juggling work and caregiving, and adapting to changes in his life. Glenn said: “Caregivers need to be responsive to changes and adapt accordingly.” At the time, he was working for a crane company doing IT support and helping with administration work. With Sow Meng’s diagnosis, he requested to work full-time from home. He shared, “Most of the IT issues are not urgent and can be handled after office hours. For the administration part, I am only helping out as I am not the main staff.”

Also during that trying period, he started exploring starting an online delivery business with his friends. “It has always been my dream to start my own business from scratch.” Glenn added: “So for now, I will work whenever I have time. I will usually have a tablet or laptop with me so that I can handle any issues when needed. I will then continue with my own business in the evening, after I have made sure my mother is already taken care of, and there is no more work to be done for my job.”

When his caregiving journey began and not knowing much and feeling anxious about her diagnosis, he focused on keeping her active. He shared he would do the “temple hopping”, especially the ones she had been before to let her relax and jog her memory a bit. He also would bring her to walk around the neighbourhood and to a nearby mall to give her variety in her exercises so she didn’t feel bored. “I try to do whatever I can and do my best within the time left. I don’t want to have any regrets when she passes away and I want to take good care of her.”

During that time, he got introduced to TOUCHpoint@AMK 433 (an Active Ageing Centre under not-for-profit TOUCH Community Services) and met the CREST or Community Resource, Engagement and Support Team, who invited his mother to join the exercise sessions on Tuesday to Friday. Initially, he brought her to attend cognitive and physical exercises on Tuesdays, which focus on physical and mental fitness. He then included more and more activities organised by TOUCHpoint@AMK 433 including calligraphy, art and craft sessions, digital skills training, festive events and game sessions like Rummy-o and darts.

“The activities are enjoyable. To prevent her dementia from worsening and to help her mind stay alert, I try to bring her to as many activities as possible. It is a good experience as my mother and I started to befriend other residents. It is nice to have a familiar and comfortable place we can go to in our neighbourhood. The residents and TOUCH staff are also friendly.”

Last year, he even stepped in as a volunteer to help plan activities for a support group for caregivers set up by TOUCHpoint@AMK 433. He tapped his expertise as an IT specialist and conducted a talk on how technology can help fellow caregivers such as learning how to set up a website and ways to leverage technology while taking care of loved ones at home.

It has also been good for Glenn as through the centre, he has connected with other caregivers and gotten to know about more community resources that he can tap on for support including an online community of caregivers. “You need to be equipped with the knowledge about the disease you are handling, not just dementia, and be aware of available resources. Caregivers should try to find out as much as possible from the start. Do not be afraid to ask for help.

“As a caregiver, having support from other caregivers matters. You don’t feel so lonely. Caregiving can be a lonely journey so it is good to have the support of others whom you can rely on for help. Caregivers also need to practise self-care and not feel guilty about it.”

During the time while his mother is occupied at the centre or even at home, watching TV, he gets a caregiving respite and does his groceries, laundry and rest, as well as whatever work he might need to do.

The unknowns

Glenn said, “I am quite lucky as my mother got diagnosed early. Right now, she can still do most of the necessary stuff herself. The only thing I need to manage is doing housework, which I have been doing most of it.” He also finds managing her meals a challenge as she can be a bit unpredictable.

He explained: “For example, if I were to cook for her at home, she would usually finish everything. But if we eat outside, she may not finish everything. Now, she has difficulties finishing her cai png or economic rice, fried rice and bee hoon which she had no problem eating in the past. But if I were to bring her to a fast food place, she would be able to finish the food. So it can be stressful when it comes to deciding on her meals outside.

“There are only a few things she will eat. For example, she will finish the Tori Q (Japanese rice with skewer sticks) or when I order the goreng pisang or banana fritter, sushi and a toast combined. I make it a point to ensure she eats healthily with sufficient intake of vegetables and protein.”

Another recent challenge, he revealed, is her sleeping habit. “She has started to wake up late. She can sleep at 2am but would sometimes wake up at 7pm. But if she knows she has a medical appointment or needs to attend to an important issue, she will wake up early without any complaints.

“When she was diagnosed in 2021, she was at the mild stage. Currently, I think she is still at the mild stage although her memory seems to have worsened a bit as I noticed she will repeat herself every five minutes. Currently, she is on medication for Alzheimer’s disease. For now, things are still manageable for me,” said Glenn, who has no regrets taking care of his mother.

Sharing a fond moment, he said: “If she gets up in the evening to go to the bathroom, she has to wake me up before going. If she sees that I have kicked away the blanket, she will still try to cover me with the blanket. These are things that I am still grateful for given her condition.”

Though one thing still lingers at the back of his mind – “The progression of the disease is a constant fear. So far, we are still able to stick to our daily routine. Although my mother has early-stage dementia, I have observed that her behaviour has started to change and I can expect challenges ahead. I also worry about how I am going to cope in the future financially as the disease progresses.”

For now, Glenn is more prepared than before and has a support system in place. He is also taking it one day at a time and living a life with no regrets.